Let Me Count the Ways
by Rapunzel4
Summary: Doumeki muses on those qualities of Watanuki's that he finds attractive. DouWata


Disclaimer: CLAMP owns them. End of story.

Warnings: Yaoi, some spoilers up to Vol. 8

Author's Notes: This is just a little something I wrote while I was stranded in Alaska over the holiday season.

Let Me Count the Ways

By Rapunzel

Doumeki loves Watanuki's hands. He loves their expressiveness, the way their gestures meld with Watanuki's voice to create a vivid picture of whatever it is he's talking about, even if that picture usually portrays discontent. He loves the quick and nimble movements of those hands as Watanuki cooks, deftly slicing vegetables without ever nicking himself. Most of all, he loves the way those hands skim over his skin, hesitant, yet never faltering in their quest.

And Doumeki loves Watanuki's voice. True, that voice is often raised in irritation and annoyance, but even that sound is not unpleasant to him. The many and varied pitches of Watanuki's voice provide a sharp contrast to the monotone tones Watanuki so often accuses him of using, and he welcomes it. He likes the softer, gentler intonations too, for Watanuki is capable of speaking without yelling, and Doumeki feels privileged to hear those words as well. He also finds the quiet murmuring sounds Watanuki makes in his sleep endearing, and they often amuse him as well, reminding him that even in the depths of oblivion, the boy has a hard time being completely silent. But his favorite way to hear Watanuki's voice is raised, not in anger, but in passion. Whether calling his name or reduced to wordless incoherency, it is a sound Doumeki treasures, and he can never hear enough of it.

Doumeki loves Watanuki's eyes. Sometimes he thinks it's a pity those eyes are partially concealed behind glasses. Other times he thinks it's fortunate. After all, perhaps the glasses prevent anyone else from noticing the beauty in those eyes of which he has so long been aware. And as much as he loved the unbroken blue that Watanuki's eyes used to be, he loves staring into those mismatched eyes even more. They remind him that a part of him now lives in Watanuki, creating a bond that no one, not even Watanuki, can deny.

Doumeki loves Watanuki's body. In comparison to his own broad-shouldered form, Watanuki often seems scrawny, but Doumeki doesn't see it that way. He knows the strength that hides in that wiry frame, strength of mind and character as well as physical strength. And when he does note the disparity in their sizes, the difference serves to fill him with a sense of responsibility, a protectiveness. That feeling is always there in some form. It is what prompts him to do what others would consider crazy things, like stepping in front of a crazed girl with an exacto-knife or sitting in the rain holding a ribbon for ten hours straight. But never is that feeling more pronounced than when they lie together, Watanuki's scraggly body straining under his, and he can't help but notice the physical differences between them and to wonder if a careless move on his part might crush the boy beneath him. This thought reminds him of the responsibility he has taken on, and the trust Watanuki has placed in him, letting him have it, and a surge of protectiveness fills him, prompting him to gentle his movements and treat Watanuki with all the tenderness he always feels but so rarely displays.

Doumeki loves Watanuki's spirit. That same spirit attracts more than just him, he knows, and he finds it slightly ironic that the boy who can so easily draw unpleasant entities to him can also captivate one who can repel them. He loves Watanuki's animation, his determination, his stubbornness and his liveliness, and all the qualities that make Watanuki different. Some of these (most notably the stubbornness and determination) are qualities Doumeki possesses himself and understands well. Others are alien to him, but none the less dear for that.

Doumeki loves Watanuki's heart. That heart seems to have room in it for everyone, even people Watanuki claims to not like, such as Doumeki himself. And even when the kindness in that heart causes Watanuki to do crazy things, placing the welfare of others before his own, even when Watanuki mires himself in difficult situations, causing Doumeki no end of worry, those qualities cause Doumeki to love as much as they infuriate him. As much as he wants to steer Watanuki away from doing blatantly stupid things to himself in his quest to help others, he realizes that that is simply who Watanuki is, and as much as it drives him crazy at times, he can't change it. Nor would he really want to. There aren't many in the world with a heart like Watanuki's, and Doumeki knows he's lucky to have found the boy.

Doumeki loves, but rarely expresses. His feelings are so many and so complicated that he knows no words will properly describe them anyway, and so he simply doesn't try to put them into words. So when Watanuki, in another of his self-deprecating moods, asks him why, out of all the people in the world he could have had, he chose the skinny kid with glasses who can see ghosts, Doumeki can only answer "Because I love you," and hope that Watanuki understands.


End file.
